I don't know where to start really.

Just as I was on my way of recovery, I got message that something tragic has likely happened.

My brother-in-law's sister and her 5/6-year old son are missing. There was a brand new cabrio standing in her driveway and her house is completely turned upside down with no trace of her or her son.

We have no idea what has happened. There might be kidnapping involved. There might be murder involved.. The police is already on it.


Even though I don't see her that much, I feel involved with the tragedy. I know her, I've spoken to her just generally more than once. I've been there when she fed her son and put him to bed. But I am very involved with her parents, my sister's in-law parents. I concider them family and been spending time with them quite alot in the past.

I do not want this to break me down. My sister is devastated about it. The unknown.. I couldnt find any comforting words for her when she was crying on my shoulder. There was nothing to say. Only to hope.

Guess I'll know more about the situation later today..


Just alittle bit more and I'll probably become mentally incapable to do anything for school and that kind of shit. It seems so senseless doing that now. This is life's reality.


Update
Well word has it she probably has fled out of the country, along with some guy she had a relationship with. Why they fled or where to is still unknown. I learned she is a somewhat schizophrenic, or atleast not exactly stable. Though this is not like her at all, I've been told. Left in a hurry, pulled wires out of the walls, only little food and cloths were taken with them. Turns out that guy isnt exactly stable either. Not as in abusive, just.. in the head.

We'll see what happens next, just hope the child is alright. But murder or kidnapping is ruled out, likely.

While the day is still young and the weather gentle looking, I just take some time to update my life abit more to anyone's interest. Even though I don't quite know where to start with.

In four weeks time, I will have to move to our new house, which, thankfully, is only 10 minutes away. For the newcomers or those who don't remember, we need to move due financial issues. Caused by my dad. Who happened to left my mom a few months ago. And he doesn't seem to bother. So. I don't know him any longer, and I won't go into details about him. He's still my dad, but God he's such a disappointment for a father.

So four weeks left! Right now we're patching up the new home, painting the walls, laminating the floor, getting new furniture and everything. For one it might be interesting to move to a new house, and get away from this shithole full of bad memories where the rooms are getting narrower with every drama that still to this day happens because of the divorce. On the other hand, across where I will live lives an old friend of mine. A passing friend, so to speak, one that I havent spoken to for years or have the interest to. There's more background information to that but it's not important to know all. Point is that when I heard where we'll likely move to I felt like HELL and in all places I did NOT want to go there. For that part I'm still not keen on living there.. even if it's just for a year, which will be the case.

School is so-so with me. Alot of stress coming my way everytime, because it's a one year course people usually do two to three years about. So loads of homework, and including new subjects that I haven't had on my old school. So that's quite a hassle, there isn't really enough time to let it all come down on me. Yet I try to manage things, I really do, the end isn't far away. In a week from today I'll have some more tests, and halfway in May will be my finals. And if I pass those.. then I've proven myself once again.. In about two months from today, there will be a massive amount of stress lifted off my shoulders, because about then I'll have it all behind me.

Artwise I've been missing my art mojo quite some lately. I'm totally out of practice right now. I can't draw things straight away properly like I want, usually ending up in frustration and me giving up on it. I need to find a moment of peace and no stress probably, how unlikely that is to happen at this time.

Speaking of which, when I will visit my dear love Ria in a few weeks again, THERE I will find my peace and no stress. It's truly heaven there, being with her, having her close against me, enjoying our time together. It made me forget about *everything* from the above. No school, no divorce, no moving, no nothing. I really can't wait to see her again, she's so much fun to be with..

Hmm.. funny how that goes. There were a few things more that bothered me, but since I took alittle detour thinking about my dear.. I forgot about it all! Well let's call it a wrap then for today and kick my butt outside and enjoy the weather while it lasts. Optimism rules.

Thanks for reading!

Thus Winter returns with the time of his life.. time.

( The Wonderful Side of Life & Love )

Whoo! So yesterday was my 21st birthday!

It was alright, nothing hectic, just family and relatives wishing me happy birthday and all =] We had cake and a few drinks and snacks, and talk about anything that crossed the mind.

Predicatble enough, the conversation lead to the divorce of my parents, which was kinda saddening, as it's my birthday afterall. My dad wasn't there, as he told me he wouldn't.

But anywho, all in all it was very enjoyable and I have received a good amount of cash >=D

On an amusing sidenote, in Holland we have an event called 'Sinterklaas'. Literally translated Saint Nicolas. Basically everyone outside the Netherlands know him as Santa Claus, but Santa is a spin-off from Saint Nicolas (done by Coca Cola for promoting their drinks back in early 1900s, no joke). Here's a picture of 'Sinterklaas'. ANYWHO, long story short: the tradition is to put your shoe in front of the fireplace, and next morning Saint Nicolas (read: parents) would've put some sweet and presents in it if you've been good. Now, I've been jokingly complaining to my mom for him not giving me any sweets anymore. But this morning, I found sweets and chocolate in my shoe =|

COMPLAINING HELPS!


Lastly:



It does sound like me funny enough Oo..

Ah well now.. Hmm. The Winter speaks again, heh.

( An update on the current situation at home. )
That would be all! Thanks for reading =]

Gee, I have finals coming up for a whole week starting tomorrow. That is quick..

Alas! My ingenuity will be tested tomorrow. I hope not to disappoint myself, nor anyone else. The teachers appear to be keen about me, let's hope they are right to do that Oo.

Ah yes..

I feel the urge to make a new entry here. I haven't exactly planned anything to talk about, but I guess there are a few things that are running through my head.

As you all may or may not know, my parents are in the middle of a divorce. I forgot to mention it on this LJ aswell, maybe because it's something I really aren't proud of telling. But ah well. Fact is, over the past few weeks I've heard quite a few new things about my dad, and what an unbelievable fathead he is. I don't want to go into detail however. Fact is, I don't know him anymore. This person I always called 'dad' and viewed him as one, turns out to be.. arrogant, and been trying to use the little money we had for his own benefit. Whatever sick purposes he used them for.

Ah well.. So financially things aren't too well, but fact is, that when me and my mother get out of this mess with the help of our relatives, we will be much better off than ever before in life. I honestly can't wait for that to happen.. Still it'll take a few sacrifices to get there, such as our house, but it will be worth it. No doubt it will.

Coming across other things, in the virtual society, I slowly move away further from instant messengers and the people on there. Perhaps it's me maturing and selecting different priorities, perhaps it's me still feeling numb now that my world has been turned upside down and the things going on.

I think I'm going to disappear for a few weeks/months, doing things just by myself and offline. Ofcourse, rest be assured, I will still come online for the one I love the most =] Maybe we should call eachother on the phone from time to time? If possible?

Guess I have to put things straight for myself. In the early days I always found it exciting to see someone new adding me on their messenger. Today, having gained another three who I've not yet spoken to, it's not so exciting anymore, but kind of a burden. It's nice knowing people want to talk to me (generally, not just the new ones), but I have trouble finding encouragement to go online and talk to all these people.

As a small note to someone who I might've probably left pretty.. awry on the inside; I'm sorry, but I don't feel like I'm the right person to say/comment much anymore. I don't speak not because I dislike you, but because I don't think it would bring a smile on your face seeing me or my name.

Speaking of specific people to talk to, I wish I could be more of a help to another person. He's been feeling so massively down and depressed lately, only catching up with him once every few weeks. And whenever I do and talk to him, I feel powerless, seeing everything I say change into something bad and negative he says about himself. If only he would listen more carefully to what I say.. I think most know who I talk about, he left deviantART a few weeks/months ago.

So..

I'm running out of things to say, multitasking abit here heh.

But anywho, I am doing fairly well under these circumstances. I have alot of pressure on my mind lately, so I'm glad I'm having autumn break right now, taking things easy.

Well what more is there to say.. ahh I dunno. Ask me something, plz!??!

I can't really tell what my mood is right now while I'm writing this. I feel.. observative, you might say. Balanced and in control of myself. Still, when I think of my love, a smile just appears =] She really keeps me sane through everything I'm experiencing right now, and I know it all will only get better and better over time. Especially when we first meet, things will really grow between us rapidly. Yes, I'm very much in love with her =]

I just might save a loving private journal entry just for her after this one.. =]

So yes.. I'm glad I have a few things off my chest now.. So don't really expect to see me soon on instant messengers. I'll be back when things settle =]

- Winter

Just returned from the cinema, after seeing Evan Almighty with some of my friends. Was an alright movie, had some good stuff in it. A real typical American movie as I'd call them myself =p Though I'd rather go for movies such as Transformers or Harry Potter to the cinema. Still was a good time.

Took a refresh on my LiveJournal =] Changed the look and feel, annnnnnd I now started using tags.. Also, I remembered my "to-do list" from a while ago.. Let's have an update on that list:

* Juggling » I can with 3 balls already, but still need some more practice to keep control of them!

* Latin » Started on it! Ego dísceo Latino. Vides?

* Drawing caricatures » Hmm.. haven't done anything about that..

* Human anatomy » Under control =] Still need some more practice on some parts..

* Social Psychology » Well I learned quite a good bit about it already!

* Playing guitar » No guitar here.

* Organising myself » Nyeeeeeeaaaaahhhh... nevermind..

Ofcourse, there's nothing wrong with a good laugh like in my previous post. Still, I feel worried..

As some of you might know, I made my plans for this school year. I attend going to an adult highschool, for one year, to finish the highest degree, making it possible for me to attend any university I want next year.

But I'm worried about the organisation.. It's the holidays and they'd be late with replying (as noted in an automated email of the this high school). The school starts in September, so only two weeks.. I'm really concerned about being in time..

What if I'm not and they disallow me to attend? I'd be blamed. Yes I was late with subscribing, but it was damned difficult for me to find something I want and that is in my reach right now.

I'd be forced to find myself a job, ending up with another 'wasted year'. Hoping that I'd atleast succeed for my colloquium doctum at University in May. But untill then.. gahh...

And what if I don't succeed? Either for this colloquium doctum, or this one year of adult highschool in general? That thought.. is something I really wish to avoid right now.

I never really knew what I want with my life, untill now. It's reachable, possible, and people are supportive and positive that I might succeed at it. But still..

My ultimatum is being able to get into university, studying psychology. If that fails.. I don't know what to do next..

I'm so very concerned about my future.. again..

This I badly needed to get off my chest.

Thank you for reading.. =]

Well now. I made a promise yesterday that I would update my LJ again, so this time I'm gonna keep my promise. No matter *how* tired out I'm already feeling.

Soooooo what's been keeping me busy lately?

Myself, mostly.

Futureplans were in need of adjustments, as I likely won't gain enough points to hit University next year. So I'll give it another try next year in college. Speaking of which, college is going 'alrighty'. It's not that I'm having much difficulty with the materials, moreover I'm having difficulty with myself; better known as procrastinating. I'm growing lazy while I definately shouldn't at the end of the year =P. So I'll need a good kick from behind every now and then. Ah, all will be well.

Then there would be social life. I'm enjoying it. BUT. Some times too much, other times too little. I know it sounds weird, describing it as such, but I don't know how else to explain it.

Mentioning the virtual social life (Msn, Yahoo, etc), sometimes I don't really know where to go with it. There is this growing disinterest, in anything.. a distance building. I'm not as often online like I used to be. But perhaps that's a good thing.. I don't know, I still enjoy it though.

Emotional life is been bitchy to me again, though =| Such malicious pleasure for others. I won't go into detail about that..

Art!

I'm still progressing fairly quick building experience. From that DVD collection I bought almost two months ago (?), about human anatomy, I've run through most of it and might give a proper try at humans aswell. Ofcourse, if I ever were to draw a human person in a drawing, a dragon can't be off too far =P

Ehm, yeah. I'm currently colouring my latest pencil job in Photoshop. I never draw Winter the Dragon that highly detailed, or atleast, remarkably realistic before.. makes me feel proud =]

Last night I've had some vivid imaginations about him, right before I pass out to sleep. Happened to me a few times before. But this time, he appeared as I drew him in this pic, in his new colours, and.. he felt different. His look in his eyes and soft smile were so.. breathtaking.. and enchanting. And he felt so very warm.. so comforting and gentle. He felt so much calmer, it was really wonderful and I wanna imagine about him again =]

Lastly, showing people the flats of Winter the Dragon below. I've already shaded him in and only a background remains. So it won't take too long to view the finished piece =D .. or so I hope.



Winter ain't so cheap in colours afterall D=

Thanks for reading!

Things I want to learn:

* Juggling

* Latin

* Drawing caricatures

* Human anatomy

* Social Psychology

* Playing guitar

* Organising myself


Might add some more later. These are the key things I want to achieve one day..

Well today happened to be an interesting day.

It all started when I woke up before my alarm, around 7 am. I set the alarm at 9, so yah! Still I felt totally slept out.. but fell asleep later anyway =P

Today has been a warm summer-like day, with the sun shining, clouds keeping the temperature here, all running up to 27 Celcius/81 Fahrenheit. I had two tests for my Psychology study later. One at 2pm, the second at 7pm. On my way in the bus to school I met a long 'forgotten' friend from first classes in high school, and man did he changed a good bit. We had a good talk about things througout the trip, even though it wasn't always easy, because we haven't talked for that long.

At the trainstation we left eachother, and *right* at the entrance of the station, I met another long 'forgotten' friend! Though sadly the talk was short, but gahh, this guy has changed even *more*. All in all, an optimisic experience, giving me a positive attitude for my math test. Yes, math.

When I was in the room and the test began.. I collapsed. Blacked out. No I didn't sit and cry, but I couldn't get a thing on paper down. I just couldn't remember a thing! How annoying. How uncouraging. So after 15 minutes I gave up, and left. Not a change I have made a good score on this test, as I haven't turned in *any* answer.

However.. Fifteen minutes before the test I met with one of my fellow students and she said she's gonna skip the math test since she didn't know a thing (aswell). After a short talk she said that, because in highschool I did math on a high level, I didn't have to do the test! It wasn't needed for me! I was already qualified! So right after I left the room, I walked to my teacher thingum, the kind of teacher that helps you throughout the year, and asked *IF* I needed to do the test. "No, with your highschool level you didn't have to."

Wewt! So what I learned from our school is that.. I can totally ruin a test.. Don't have to redo it.. and still pass!

Positive attitude; welcome back.

Well then I went home again, gave my feet some rest and after a few hours went back to college to do the second test. No, I didn't learn for it. Why not? It didn't have to do a *thing* with psychology, but with the most annoying thing in the world; economics, finances, all those bla bla bla. Work-talk. When people get unemployed what money or finances they can get and all that rubbish that I don't have a head for. But the test was easy anyway, so 50/50 chance I passed it anyway.


^{Minutes before the start of the test..}

After that (9pm already) we had some fun with friends, eat some fast food, wewt, and went back home. Such a nice day, such great weather, and everything at my side. Well, pretty much everything.

Ah, such rambling.. Still I find this day worth sharing =]

I is a happy person right now.

An hour ago I felt sad, mourning and alone (gloomy mood ahoy). But when I checked for my regular mail, I received my package I've been waiting for some time. Funny enough, I was told shipping would take 4 to 6 weeks to international customers, but this only took 10 days! So yes it sure was a surprise!

I bought the 5 DVD collection to The Structure of Man



If you are interested in learning human anatomy *properly* and *logically*.. well.. This is the best EVER! In just a few videos I learnt and *understood* more than any anatomy book I ever held in my hands.

Books go on about "You draw this line here, and that one their about that height", while I always wondered: why there? Those reasons are very well verbally explained by Riven Phoenix, an artist who works for several companies including Lucasarts, ILM, and other entertainment media companies.

On the website you can try a selection of free tutorials which are displayed on YouTube. Honestly, this is the best of the best. Ever.

*bounces off*